Rating: 6.5/10

Writer: Chris Chow
Director: Chris Nahon
Cast: Gianna Jun, Allison Miller, Koyuki
Studio: Samuel Goldwyn

I can’t believe that those behind the live action adaptation of BLOOD: THE LAST VAMPIRE ever attempted to take the film even remotely seriously. The bad acting, cheap CGI and special effects, and ridiculous story all give off the vibe that this adaptation of BLOOD: THE LAST VAMPIRE (which was first a Magna comic book, then an anime in 2000) was meant to be a deliberately cheesy, deliriously silly, ride. And when you look at it that way, the film works.

If my intentionally campy theory isn’t true, then the most likely conclusion would be that the producers and director didn’t actually feel like doing the movie. Instead, they just hired an alcoholic twelve year old on meth to make the film. The twelve year old then spent the week before shooting doing nothing but watching bloody samurai movies (you know, the kind that Tarantino paid homage to in the KILL BILL films) and only taking one break every three hours to scream into the mirror for the darkness to stop watching him. Possible, but I feel a little stronger about my first theory.

All the information needed about the film’s plot is that Saya (Gianna Jun) is a half-human, half-vampire that has been slaying the demon creatures for centuries with the help of a secret organization, and her quest to find and defeat the head vampire, named Onigen (Koyuki), is almost over. Oh, and the time is 1972 and, to the best of my knowledge, the film is not based on actual events.

BLOOD: THE LAST VAMPIRE is full of the most fake computer-animated blood you have ever seen. There is one scene that takes in place in a rainy alley (cause this is what happens in rainy alleys) that features an immense amount of vampire deaths by Saya’s blade. There are plenty of stylized shots and well-used slow motion as we see what seems to be every possible way to kill a vampire, with the sequence becoming incredibly violent and over-the top, in an amusing way.

The aspect of the film that most clearly illustrates how purposely unserious the filmmakers were taking BLOOD is the 1980s horror movie gargoyle-esque creatures that the more powerful vampires turn into. The beasts move in stop-motion glory, invoking bad monster movie nostalgia, fondly reminding all of us of the great times we had laughing at blatantly fake effects in cheaply made horror and sci-fi films.

Saya’s climatic battle with Onigen is as ridiculous and nonsensical as you would expect, especially considering what you’ve been watching for the last 90 minutes. It’s mostly a floating force (in the STAR WARS sense) fight set in the spirit world, giving us a fitting conclusion to the outlandish fun that is BLOOD: THE LAST VAMPIRE.