Welcome to Week #3! Leading up to this nation’s big 2-3-3, it was a lukewarm period for new posters, with a few hot flashes here and there. God bless America.

Soggy Bottoms – COUPLES RETREAT teaser poster

Would you look at all those funny/hot names! And oh look, there they are, right underneath (well, most of them anyway)! And that girl from SEX AND THE CITY! “It may be paradise…but it’s no vacation.” “…See, that ellipsis is very important, because the line really flourishes when it has that pause in there…”

What am I looking at here? Looks like a bunch of “I hate my life” couples cooling their heels in the old fishin’ hole. Snor-ing. With that huge list of funny people, you’d expect at least some wacky Photoshop action (not at all actually, but very typical). Alas, this poster for a possible dark-comedy doesn’t really say, “Hey, come devote at least a couple hours of your day to yuk it up with the likes of us!” Although, to be fair, this is a teaser image, so it could also be praised for its subtlety, especially considering the idea of all these funny people being miserable, wading around in some sort of summer-camp-for-grown-ups scenario, just might be hilarious. But for now, from what can be seen here (apart from the sophisticated color palette and well-handled typography, aimed to appeal to the detail/fashion/design-conscious), it seems that the only thing I can take away is the title/command: (Happy) Couples, Retreat!

Precocious – PRECIOUS teaser poster

Tyler Perry strikes again, and this time, he brought a friend. Partnered with Oprah Winfrey, Perry is presenting this motion picture, the trailer of which I watched only moments after first viewing this poster and its predecessor. I give Oprah most of the credit for co-producing this venture, and bringing what I estimate to be a VERY emotional and gut-wrenching film to life. After viewing the trailer, I was more than right.

But to be fair, I’ll talk about this poster as if I hadn’t seen the trailer yet. This is a work of art, hands down. Take away the cast and credits lines, and you have yourself something that could be hung on a gallery wall, and no one would ever know it was a movie poster. In my opinion, it’s posters like these that are the most valuable, in both their strength as fantastic aesthetic, and in raw design and emotional response. Some people ask the question, “what does this piece ‘say’ to you?” I prefer the question, “how does this piece make you feel?” Sometimes, a piece of art, design, creative result, etc., doesn’t have to necessarily “say” anything. Yet, usually without fail, the pieces considered the “best” make those who experience it “feel” something. So, how does this poster make you feel? I’ll admit, upon first glance, it made me feel a little uncomfortable, despite the beautiful colors and brushstrokes. It was the context: a large faceless woman, perhaps an African-American woman. Someone quiet, perhaps voiceless. Now for the details: the necklace. “Precious” – the name of the movie, the name of the main subject? A brand or label? Is this person really “precious”? Could it be meant as a jest? The style of the necklace and name-plate doesn’t really mesh with everything else. What’s the real world here? I smell a conflict. This is going to be good (if not tragic).

I must say again, leave it to Tyler Perry’s movies to have such superb posters. Is he a trained designer? Was he some sort of design prodigy and has always had an eye for great design? Or better yet, he just understands the importance of strong design, and the power it can wield when used correctly? I certainly don’t know. Although I do know that, in this particular case, this one promises to be exactly as it appears to be: precious.

Understandable? – THE INFORMANT poster

Typography! Hooray! Well, looks like someone is getting their Paula Scher/Bauhaus/Moderist itch scratched in this poster.

I appreciate the use of broken words, hyphens, and Helvetica bold/black/oblique. What I don’t appreciate is the gradient color wash overlay on an otherwise very interesting image of the informant himself (unbelievable!). I can only imagine this is the first volley in a barrage of marketing materials in this very same “scheme. So who are the rest of the characters in this flick? I’m expecting more curious expressions, adjectives, and nouns, maybe even some other primary hue overlays, oof.

I should go easy on this one, it’s too easy to leap at something like this which can also very easily be misconstrued to be trend-whoring or an “I’ve always wanted to do that, and here’s my chance” type of thing. I’m keeping my eye on you Mr. Informant (even if I don’t know what the information is you’re providing)!

Seriously? – SURROGATES Poster

How do you save a movie poster when the only thing worth a damn is Bruce Willis?

Obviously, you replicate him in a row at the bottom, put his name in red, and have him do his patented “did you hear that?” glare in the hero shot top and center. Perfect.

What’s this movie about again? Who cares, it’s got Bruce! And he’s going to kick some ass, without a shadow of a doubt. And before you can say, “I see dead people,” you’ll be asking yourself, “how much longer before this movie is over?”

This is the epitome of uninspired, unexciting, and just unwilling to make you care about his movie. I’m almost certain that movie posters like this are the result of studios literally picking and choosing elements from a “toolbox” of movie star images, backgrounds, text-effects, color overlays, and free online fonts from the 90s to compose pieces like this one that will get their most important message across (OMG, Bruce!) and to make sure you know what “kind” of movie this is (in this case, it’s looks “futurey!”).

Oh boy, I mean, I really can’t say more about this. I mean, just look at it. Look at Bruce! BRUCE WILLIS!

Basterdly – INGLORIOUS BASTERDS character posters

Well folks, here are the rest of those inglorious posters that we knew were coming down the pike. Sticking to the formula previously set, it’s still doing what I’m sure perceived as being iconic. Shouting at you with the red and white color combination, and giving you two juicy views of the character in each one-sheet, Tarantino is really trying to capitalize on the marketability of his characters, something that it seemed that neither he nor the studio never quite fully exploited on their own, although the fans filled in those gaps themselves. This time, we’re seeing more evidence of the “self-acknowledgment” of how cool these characters are. Could this be bad? We’ll see. One thing that is bad when it comes to these posters, is that if they’re trying to hearken back to the older war movie posters of the early 70s, then we need to sever ties to the very early 21st century “shiny-table” effect, as can be seen at the feet of each character, otherwise known as a surface reflection. I’d remove the title logotype from being slapped over the “crotchal-area” of each character, and leave their images unfettered and the eye-flow unbroken, perhaps have them standing “on” it…just a thought. Otherwise, keep on scalpin,’ you basterds!

Coming Soon – SORORITY ROW teaser poster

I wasn’t going to even bring this one up, but…

So does this pile of daddy’s girls in front of their burning house mean: they’re going to go take over the freshmen girl’s dorms, and make the freshmen sleep in the gym? The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire? They all die of smoke inhalation? They all make out with each other?

All of the above.

I think their student version of Photoshop melted in the fire, too. The Greek Council is NOT going to be happy about this, what’s next, the Tri-Lambs and the Omega-Mus join forces to win this year’s Homecoming carnival?

Enough said.