Rating: 2.5/10

Writers: Jamie Linden (screenplay), Nicholas Sparks (novel)
Director: Lasse Hallström
Cast: Channing Tatum, Amanda Seyfried, Richard Jenkins, Henry Thomas
Studio: Screen Gems

The problem with Nicholas Sparks’ books is that, even with different plots, they are essentially the same and all address the exact same issues – young love, love lost, love found, familial problems, disease, class issues. But even with such wide issues to explore, Sparks’ adherence to constantly creating the same kind of characters to work through them makes the entire body of his work meld together. The film adaptations do not generally help this. The more Sparks adaptations we get, the more THE NOTEBOOK looks like a fluke.

Billed as a romance, DEAR JOHN starts off fair enough. There’s a meet cute with our leads – Channing Tatum as John Tyree and Amanda Seyfried as Savannah Curtis. We get a montage of the two falling in love, a couple of roadblocks, and a requisite make out in the rain. But, despite their best intentions, Tatum and Seyfried simply don’t generate a natural heat with each other. It’s hard going buying into their falling in love after only two weeks together, and when their inevitable separation happens (Savannah back to college, soldier John back to the army), it’s harder still to continue to care.

Having never read the Sparks book that DEAR JOHN is based on, I was given a cursory explanation of the plot by a reader, and even that was enough to let me know that the movie strays far from the book. From my general understanding (and the outraged whispers of said book reader next to me during the screening), the script chips away at many of the things that made the book so wrenching, and many of the things that made Savannah remain a sympathetic character, even after she breaks John’s heart. In the film, Savannah comes across as both callous and with a severely misdirected savior complex. Of course, she unleashes her weird desire to save people on the wrong people, leaving John in the lurch, while simultaneously attempting to be a martyr. It doesn’t work, and even Seyfried’s game approach to the role can’t save Savannah.

The casting of Henry Thomas as Savannah’s friend Tim will also surprise anyone familiar with the book. Over 14 years older than Seyfried, fans of the book will quickly realize that the Tim-Savannah storyline has been changed from its source material. Surprise – it’s a bad change, an unnecessary one, and a stupid one. I won’t reveal it here, because I’d rather save my words for something more meaningful. Which doesn’t quite explain why I’m still writing about this film.

The film does (thankfully) retain one of the major subplots of the book – John’s father’s Savannah-diagnosed autism. The tenuous bond between John and his father is one of the rare flashes of emotional veracity in the whole affair. Much of this is probably owed to veteran actor Richard Jenkins playing the part of Tatum’s pop. It’s the only part of the film even remotely worth the film it’s printed on.

But it’s not just the mangled script and lack of chemistry that renders DEAR JOHN nearly unwatchable – director Lasse Hallström approaches some of the most emotionally rich potential of the film with an unshakable sense of detachment. His choices in portraying the catalytic events of September 11 and John’s time at war are nothing short of mind-bogglingly flat – recruitment commercials for the military are more emotionally stirring and engaging than what he has committed to screen.

The film also loses big points by employing a wholly unimaginative soundtrack. Most of it is straight up cribbed from THE LAST KISS, including “Paperweight” by Schuyler Fisk and Joshua Radin. It wouldn’t be nearly as noticeable if the song wasn’t played almost every time John and Savannah get emotional with each other. Oddly enough, when we get to the one sex scene of the film, “Paperweight” is replaced by Fink’s “This Is the Thing,” a horribly incongruous choice for a sex scene, one that nearly verges on the creepy. In short – not hot.

I’ve long championed Channing Tatum’s abilities as an actor, but his recent project choices have only buried his talent underneath what is best classified as theatrical schlock. Between DEAR JOHN and G.I. JOE, I can’t help but run to my DVD player to put in A GUIDE TO RECOGNIZING YOUR SAINTS to remind myself of what Tatum is capable of. While he is certainly able to play a romantic lead, the shoddy script and phoned-in direction of DEAR JOHN make this a poor example of what Tatum could do. He and Seyfried deserve better. Jenkins should fire his agent for even allowing him to read this script.

Much like last year’s epic literary adaptation disaster, THE TIME TRAVELER’S WIFE, the film will accomplish what it has very basically set out to do. Flocks of ladies will go see it. Half of them will sob for hours. The other half will want their money back. No one will remember it a week after viewing.