Theatrical Review: DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE MORGANS?
Rating: 1/10
Writer/Director: Marc Lawrence
Cast: Hugh Grant, Sarah Jessica Parker, Sam Elliott, Mary Steenburgen
Studio: Columbia Pictures
DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE MORGANS? tells the story of a married couple (played by Parker and Grant) who incidentally witness a mob hit one evening and are subsequently forced into the witness protection program. The problem is that the two have been separated for quite some time, due to Mr. Morgan’s one-time infidelity. Thus, Mr. and Mrs. Morgan, two people who can barely stand to be in the same room with each other, are forced to relocate from isolating themselves from each other in the big city to the utter isolation of small town living.
One horse town doesn’t even do this place justice. The problem is neither of them know how to ride a horse, or much of anything else that this foreign way of life calls for. It’s up to the town’s Marshal and Deputy Marshal (Elliott and Steenburgen), who also happen to be their hosts and protectors, to show them the way of life in the little town of Ray, Wyoming. What the Morgans find is not only a new way of living, but a new way of living with each other, as they are reminded why they fell in love in the first place.
At least someone was reminded of why they love Grant or Parker because, as an audience, there is not much to be loved about either of them in their separate roles or as The Morgans. Their lack of overall chemistry is apparent beyond the fact that they are not supposed to have chemistry. Yet even when they are, it feels as wooden as the logs that Grant believably cannot chop. Speaking of chops, neither actor seems to have many here in their own respective roles. Grant must have left his British charm in the barn, instead he comes off robotic, as if he is doing a bad C-3PO impression when he is intended to appear heated and passionate. Parker comes off as cold as ever, as Meryl Morgan, a woman who is said to be naggy and distant. I believe it…but not because Parker is convincing that this is not truly her. After this film, I’m starting to see a trend in the characters Parker plays and her reasoning for playing many similar sterile female leads. As the saying goes, you are what you eat. Well, Parker’s diet must consist of things that are chilled and bitter.
As for the romance and the comedy in this “romantic comedy,” you will wait till the cows come home if that’s what you’re expecting. Instead, we’re given moments of sheer awkward pauses and silence where apparent laughter is intended to be. This mostly being a result of the aforementioned lack of performance from either Grant or Parker. It so brutal to watch at times that you feel as if the film should have been called DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE BORINGS?
This all results in a rooting for the hitman who is tracking The Morgans to catch up with them sooner, subsequently putting them, and us, out of misery. If only he had done so sooner…before the love scene.
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