While Hollywood will always be full of its fair share of junk projects, it's not often that the more I read about an upcoming film, the more I picture it as a Saturday Night Live skit. Apparently, Gwyneth Paltrow is the guest star in the SNL episode in my head, because I can see no other reason for the existence of COUNTRY STRONG, better known as "CRAZY HEART with a lady." I would, however, be remiss if I did not remind you, dear readership, that Paltrow is not the most out of left field leading lady for the part. May I point you in the direction of DUETS? The 2000 film saw Paltrow as the daughter of Huey Lewis, who plays a "karaoke hustler." They duet. You can see that little gem HERE. See, it sort of makes sense. It's also the reason why this is an Audio-Free Trailer. MY EARS!

But what do we know going in to this first trailer for COUNTRY SONG? Paltrow is a former country star who has fallen on hard times. She attempts to jumpstart her career with the help of Tim McGraw (truthiness!), who I believe plays her husband/manager. Somehow, this involves going on tour with two rising country stars, played by Leighton Meester and Garrett Hedlund (I know). Complications ensue when Paltrow's character and Hedlund's character start making music together in the bedroom. Are y'all ready?

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KXcN8i_fVtg&feature=player_embedded[/youtube]

Oh, sweet Jesus, I hope we’re going to rehab down that long country road. Oh, we’re leaving rehab! Yes, yes! Paltrow’s flowing blond locks and red dress make me think only one thing – is this some sort of Taylor Swift future biopic? Despite clearly just getting out of rehab (and clearly masking her emotions with way too much makeup), Paltrow appears to be beloved. Maybe she can make it!

Garrett Hedlund looks to be channeling one of the Kings of Leon. I ain’t mad at ya! But he is way too happy to be a poor country singer. Wait. He’s smiling because Paltrow is in his bed, giggling. How the heck did that happen so fast? So, near as I can tell, Paltrow is down to mentor Hedlund, and McGraw is down to mentor Meester. By “mentor,” I really mean “give them the old country strong.” Nice relationships here, people, really nice.

Hedlund’s got an old truck and a big cowboy hat – so why do I suddenly feel that those props will be the crux of his entire performance?

Oops! Paltrow is drunk again. Rehab didn’t stick. Hell, if I had to watch all these performances that after less than a minute are already smushing together into one big, boring mess, I’d drink, too.

McGraw’s skinny tie in the recording studio tells us one thing – the guy is a douche. Which makes this part a teensy bit easier to swallow – are Paltrow and Hedlund falling in love?

Lights. People falling down crying. Tour buses. Make-up. Hair. Hats.

Boom! Big Paltrow performance! And she looks…stiff as a goddamn board. I blacked out the last twenty seconds of the trailer, because I had a flash-forward to watching the full movie, and my brain exploded simply because the two minutes and thirty-two seconds of this trailer have left me mortified for the state of American film.

COUNTRY STRONG opens on January 7, 2011.

Source The Playlist