Audio-Free Trailer: SOMETHING BORROWED
Are you a woman? Good, you must hate your best friend then. Let's make a movie about it! It's time for everybody's favorite semi-regular feature that I pen when I see a hideous trailer and am too flummoxed by its horror to even turn my computer's speakers on. Today's offering? SOMETHING BORROWED.
What do we know? It's based on a novel by Emily Giffin, who is pretty successful in the "chick lit" world. It stars Kate Hudson, Ginnifer Goodwin, and John Krasinski. And, if I remember correctly, it sees Hudson and Goodwin as best friends that secretly hate each other - or are terrible enough people to do some terrible things to each other. I know it involves "man-snatching." If it's anything like something like BRIDE WARS, it will probably make me cry - movies with meanie best friends make me feel ill and twisty inside, and they make me cry out of frustration and disdain. Let's get our hankies! Hit that jump, and let's find out if SOMETHING BORROWED will make us feel more like something blue.
The rating band tells us there will be drugs in this film, YES! Maybe there will be wacky pot-smoking scene, or some confusion with Ecstasy tablets! Okay, so Ginnifer Goodwin is a nerd with a touch of obsessive-compulsive disorder. There’s some sort of cardboard standee-type “standard good-looking male” who catches her eye. This will never work! But, whoa, they’re on a date!
Oh. A date crashed by Hudson. We can see where this is going. Amazing. Within less than thirty seconds into this trailer, it appears that Hudson has crashed this date, said some mean things, and made her (presumed) best friend cry. What a gem! And, like clockwork, she’s stolen cardboard standee cute guy. Friendship really is the best gift, amirite, guys?!
Though Goodwin (now we know her name – Rachel!) doesn’t get the guy, this surprise party scene makes it clear – she’s kinda beloved. Better than that blond bridezilla tearing her way through Manhattan. John Krasinski! Finally! Who are you?!
Well, beloved or not, Rachel just made a bad choice in the back of a cab with cardboard standee/bridezilla’s fiancé. Now there’s a bunch of random stuff. Can someone throw a glass soon? Something? Anything? Where are the drugs?
Here we go – “How do you choose between your best friend and true love?” Spoiler alert, like real-life spoiler alert – you dump them both, because they’re both crappy people. Also, John Krasinski is hanging out with you, why don’t you open your eyes, woman!? Sorry. Small rant.
Cardboard standee cutie looks to have come down with some feelings here. Ew.
Something funny with cell phones! Dancing! Deep looks! Day drinking! Racket to the face! It’s all as terrible as I thought it would be, and it makes me feel nothing but completely sad and heart-broken for people who think stuff like this is okay or charming or rom-com-esque. You know what’s not okay or charming? Hurting people you say you love. The only way SOMETHING BORROWED will not make me dry heave in the theater is if anyone in this movie makes that very clear – I am counting on Krasinski’s character for this.
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