Audio-Free Trailer: TAKERS

Kate Erbland

by:
June 8th, 2010

I've got to be honest with you guys. I'm not having an awesome day. It's actually decidedly un-awesome. But there's one way I know to perk things right up. IT'S AUDIO-FREE TRAILER TIME! What better pick for this week's Audio-Free offering than the loltastically pushed-back TAKERS? We did see a trailer back in September, but that baby was yanked, so today we get a brand-new look at a film that, fingers crossed, might actually hit theaters sometime this year.

And what do I know about TAKERS, beyond the fact that it's been pushed all around the box office calendar? I know T.I. is in it. And Chris Brown. And Hayden Christensen. And Paul Walker. And they seem to like hats. Some of them are glorified bank robbers. At least one of them is a cop. Yup. That'll do it. Let's see what we can look for in the film - check out the trailer after the break!

First of all, I am 100% positive that by going the Audio-Free route on this one, I am missing all sorts of background jams by both T.I. and Chris Brown. I’m also not entirely unconvinced that Christensen didn’t record his own raps for this film because, seriously, why the hell not? You’ll let me know what I’m missing in the comments, right, guys?

Big city. Big apartments. Private jets. Fast cars. Fast women. Looks like life is pretty nice. First hat sighting! Guns! Too many ski masks to count (are those really hats? I vote no). Looks as if Paul Walker is a our cop man (uh, hello, FAST AND THE FURIOUS?). We are robbing banks and we are serious as shit about it. Big guns, big explosions, a helicopter!

MATT DILLON!?! I was so wrong! Matt is the cop! Yay!

Second hat sighting.

Zoe Saldana? Jay Hernandez? Michael Ealy? Who is NOT in this movie? Third hat sighting. Cops in hats! Looks like T.I. is actually the man in charge here – or at least head of the swagga committee. Fifth hat sighting. Hayden, do you have early on-set male pattern baldness? What is this?

First threesome. Sixth and seventh hat sightings. Eighth hat sighting. Oh, no, male bonding. That means someone is getting seriously shot. Thank goodness I didn’t do a gun count for this trailer because, damn, these dudes have a lot of guns. Ninth hat sighting. Looks like we’re getting some romance with Ealy and Saldana (sorry, T.I.). Tenth hat sighting, though it appears Christensen may lose it in a brawl sometime after the eleventh sighting! Now I know why Hayden is keeping that hat on.

I started snoozing till I saw T.I. in what appears to be a traffic cop’s hat. Twelfth hat sighting. YOU GUYS! CHRIS BROWN IS SUPER INTO PARKOUR! Thirteenth and fourteenth hat sightings. Now Christensen is in a cop uniform. More things are blown up. I have no idea who is a good guy and who is a bad guy here. I have no idea what is going on in general, Christensen’s hat is the only character I am rooting for.

Total hat sightings (not including robbery-utilized ski masks or actual, confirmed cops in hats): 14

TAKERS is currently scheduled for an August 20 release date.

Source Trailer Addict

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