The world hates me. Really. The world must hate me because one of the most iconic video game series of all time is about to get a film adaptation. But, instead of being the fantastic and epic film I am dreaming of, METROID is going to...suck. What else could happen? Joblo is reporting that Uwe Boll is aiming to make a METROID film with Jessica Simpson rumored to star as Samus. While the report is all based around rumors, my heart is already dying. Read on while I wipe the tears off my NES...

Here's the direct quote from the email Joblo recieved...

"Actress Jessica Simpson is rumored to have secured the role of Space Bounty Hunter Samus Aran in a Hollywood version of a Nintendo game. In the game, Metroid, the hero controls Samus on her goal to rid the world of energy sucking beasts called Metroids. Think of it as a cross between Aliens and Dracula.

Simpson is excited to restart her movie career and is reportedly taking part in the selection of Samus' love interest. Simpson's publicists has also confirmed that she will be contributing to the plot. Ms Simpson feels the plot is too complex and would like to move the plot closer to it's core story of love and adventure.

The movie, rumored to be directed by famed director Uwe Boll will feature a wise cracking ethnic METROID played by the fat kid from GOOD BURGER."

Okay, so the emailer sounds a little bit sarcastic and, honestly, who wouldn't? I could probably go on and on about why this will never work and how every single sentence within the email is like a knife through my video game heart. But I will instead turn it to you.

Does this sound remotely interesting? Would you see this? Why? WHY?! Leave your thoughts below.