Rating: 1/2

I’ve always had a propensity for horror movies, for as long as I can remember liking them, I’ve sought out the worst of the worst. So, it’s no surprise that Wes Craven’s first flick THE LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT caught my attention early on.  Now, in 2009, his hard work has come to be mocked and disrespected in a true modern fashion.

There is something about Mari, and it’s THE LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT. Mari is a seventeen year old swimmer (wtf?) who is joining her picturesque family on a summer stay at their lake house which you guessed it, is the last house on the left (Tell me, studios, is that supposed to be CAPITALIZED like you ask the other movie titles be? Sort of ambiguous isn’t it?).  Upon Mari and her parents’ arrival, Mari, being the wild and crazy 17 year old bursting with teeny angst heads into town to see her friend Paige whom is on the prowl for the evil plant.   Paige and Mari end up heading to Justin’s hotel who we soon find out is the son of a recently escaped convict.

In an effort to maintain Hollywood’s stay of leaving creativity dead on the table, LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT is another common example of taking something good, and turning it bad. It was a pleasant suprise however seeing Aaron Paul as Francis, the brother of the escapee, Krug.  You may remember Aaron from the line, “In the Guinness Book of World Records, man… Under the raddest fuckin’ dude alive.”  Let it simmer. It’ll come to you.  Paul and his band of outsiders are the only part of the film worth buying.

Unlike the original, the redux relies on gore and sex (pedophilic at that) to sell seats.  The film’s centerpiece repeatedly takes her clothes off while we are subjected to up close shots of her underweared parts, only to learn about two thirds of the way into the film that she’s only supposed to be 17. Something’s just not right about that, am I right? 

The photography in LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT is interesting at least, as is the original soundtrack.  At one point, during Mari’s daytime swim that I remember taking note of it’s badassness and looking around to see if anyone else was nodding along with me.

Overall LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT was entertaining, stressful, and gross. Although I just spent the last 380 or so words ripping it apart, I’d still recommend it.  These three descriptives are exactly what you want in a modern horror movie anyway. At least there wasn’t some scary little boy overusing a black crayon and some weird embodying ghost crawling backwards out of a TV someone just drug out from the bottom of a lake… Or a well… Or whatever.