Rating: 1/5

I have always been a fan of Sex and the City, and would even reserve time on Sunday nights to tune in and watch the series. Paying extra for HBO while still a college student is a true commitment, but the show did tackle some lesser-spoken about relationship issues, and I am a woman after all (hear me roar, which will make more sense in a minute). I even have a number of songs featured in the show (such as “Le Belle et le Bad Boy” by MC Solaar from in the series finale “An American Girl in Paris (Part Deux)”) in my iTunes collection.

However, upon cuing up the soundtrack for the franchise’s latest film, SEX AND THE CITY 2, my immediate reactions were: What is this? / It’s not good. / Bad. / It’s getting worse. / Liza? / Karaoke? / A MEN’S CHOIR?? / Turn it off. / Is it over? / Liza is back. / Cyndi Lauper? / No, seriously, turn it OFF.

The soundtrack plays exactly like what you would expect to hear from 1980s radio in the middle of the Arabian dessert. And I don’t mean this in a good way. Let’s break this down a bit and see if my initial reactions were a bit too harsh.

We get a smattering of Middle Eastern inspired tracks with Cee-Lo’s “Language of Love,” Natacha Atlas’ “Kidda,” and “Euphrates Dream” by Michael McGregor, which work well enough to remind us that our four ladies leave their fifth friend (New York City) and travel to the much different culture of Abu Dhabi.

I realize that there was a BRIEF flashback to the girls in the ‘80s, but did those five-second moments really warrant a soundtrack that sounds like it was plucked from said decade? The song “True Colors,” which plays over the final moments at the end of the film, should have worked to strike a chord with the audience, whether fans of the series of not. Unfortunately, Cyndi Lauper’s version was almost painful to listen to. This is a powerful song with beautiful lyrics and, when done right (see the kids from Glee), it can elevate a moment, but I found myself more distracted by the song while watching the film instead of feeling more emotionally involved. I itched to push skip while listening to it on the soundtrack.

And should a karaoke track EVER be included on a soundtrack? Even if it’s been through auto-tune? The girls give us their version of “I Am Woman” (hear me roar). This is an example that not EVERY song featured in a film needs to then show up on the soundtrack (and I’m looking at you, too, Sex and the City Men’s Choir).

And then there was Liza. I will give Liza props for rocking the “Single Ladies” dance (while essentially pants-less), but her version of Beyonce’s “Single Ladies (Put a Ring On It)” doesn’t quite work. And the “good luck” at the end of the song just annoyed me. We get it, Liza - marriage is a crapshoot, but probably NOT the message to send out while you perform AT a wedding. Liza’s second track on the album, “Ev’ry Time We Say Goodbye” is included as a bonus track and was clearly recorded from the set as she probably sang it to the cast and crew. The recording itself is rough and I was surprised it would be included, microphone scratches and all.

I did enjoy Alicia Keys’ new version of “Rapture” (originally by Blondie), which incorporated the theme that played at the beginning of each episode of the series. One of the few highlights on the collection is also by Keys, with “Empire State Of Mind (Part III) Broken Down.” But as anyone who has been listening to the radio for the last six months knows, this song is a hit on it’s own and makes me wonder if it was included on this collection to give it SOMETHING other than track after track of off-the-mark songs. This stripped-down version highlights Keys’ singing and piano playing and proves that this song works as both a more upbeat and a slowed down anthem.

The tune heard over the movie’s trailers, “Can’t Touch It” by Ricki-Lee Coulter, is included on the soundtrack and is just as good on it’s own as it was when drumming up people’s excitement for the film. We also get a powerhouse ballad from Jennifer Hudson (who played Carrie’s assistant in the first film) and Leona Lewis with “Love Is Your Color.” These girls can both sing, and the pairing is almost a no-brainer.

Just like the movie itself ran too long and felt like it was comprised of three different movies in one (from black and white classic, to drama, to screw-ball comedy), the soundtrack goes through too many different styles from Middle Eastern to ‘80s to Broadway show tunes. Sometimes a soundtrack comes together and the songs stand well on their own, play well as a collection, and relate perfectly to the movie it supports. It’s the inexplicable feeling that it all just “works” and sometimes it takes an album that simply does not work to make you realize soundtracks are more than just mix tapes and when they don’t work, it’s obvious.

It’s all to much, it’s trying too hard and in the end, it comes off like a girl stuffed into a dress that’s too tight, too expensive, too “high fashion,” topped off with heels that are too high, making her attempts at walking as painful to watch as it must be for her to attempt do so gracefully. And when I think maybe I am being too harsh, I remember the final song on the soundtrack, “Divas and Dunes,” whose title alone sums up the absurdity of the film and the soundtrack that accompanies it.

This soundtrack is available through Water Tower Music.

1. “Rapture” – Alicia Keys
2. “Everything To Lose” – Dido
3. “Language of Love” – Cee-Lo
4. “Window Seat” – Erykah Badu
5. “Kidda” – Natacha Atlas
6. “Euphrates Dream” – Michael McGregor
7. “Single Ladies (Put a Ring On It)” – Liza Minnelli
8. “Can’t Touch It” – Ricki-Lee Coulter
9. “Empire State Of Mind (Part III) Broken Down” – Alicia Keys
10. “Love Is Your Color” – Jennifer Hudson & Leona Lewis
11. “I Am Woman” – Sarah Jessica Parker, Kim Cattrall, Kristin Davis, Cynthia Nixon
12. “If Ever I Would Leave You” – The Sex and the City Men’s Choir (Michael Mahany, Joshua Cruz, Andrew Rannelle, Jay Johnson, Max von Essen, Kyle Dean Massey, Van Hughes, Nick Adams, Ryan Silveman, Paul Canaan, Robert Lenzi, Dashawn Young, Matthew Risch, Jeffrey Omura, Will Taylor, Nicholas Rodriguez)
13. “Sunrise Sunset” – The Sex and the City Men’s Choir (Michael Mahany, Joshua Cruz, Andrew Rannelle, Jay Johnson, Max von Essen, Kyle Dean Massey, Van Hughes, Nick Adams, Ryan Silveman, Paul Canaan, Robert Lenzi, Dashawn Young, Matthew Risch, Jeffrey Omura, Will Taylor, Nicholas Rodriguez)
14. “Till There Was You” – The Sex and the City Men’s Choir (Michael Mahany, Joshua Cruz, Andrew Rannelle, Jay Johnson, Max von Essen, Kyle Dean Massey, Van Hughes, Nick Adams, Ryan Silveman, Paul Canaan, Robert Lenzi, Dashawn Young, Matthew Risch, Jeffrey Omura, Will Taylor, Nicholas Rodriguez)
15. “Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered” – Shayna Steele, Jordan Ballard, Kamilah Marshall
16. “Ev’ry Time We Say Goodbye” – Liza Minnelli, Billy Stritch
17. “True Colors” – Cyndi Lauper
18. “Divas and Dunes” – Aaron Zigman